My dark night of the Soul
On this New Year's Day, I'd like to share a deeply personal experience with you.
Last year was a dark night of the Soul for me and boy has it knocked me down...over and over again. Before I share the gory details and how I survived it, I'd like to share why I am opening up so personally with each of you.
Exactly 26 years ago, I sat in my first ever graduate school course wide eyed and terrified. The professor started his lecture discussing how much we will change over the course of our education and fundamental aspects of self that are needed if we ever hoped to be of service in someone's healing journey. One thing he said stood out so clearly to me that it changed the course of my life. "You can only guide a client as far as you have journeyed yourself." A simple, yet profound statement. Naively, I had never considered that I needed to work on myself, if I wanted to help others. His statement was the gut punch I needed to plant myself in therapy (and read all the self help books) and begin the process of knowing my wounds, traumas, and resulting tendencies. I have never stopped that exploration and am driven to do this self work for both me and you these days. So, I share because I want each of you to know that you are not alone, broken or bad in any way. It's not taking too long and no, you may never be fully done on your healing journey. Even those who appear to have it all together or know all the answers have a dark night of the Soul. Much of the time, I meet my clients as they are in the midst of a dark night of the Soul. It's scary and overwhelming at it's best. At it's worst, there is a reevaluation of all that is known and a ego death (this can look like severe mental and physical illness).
2024 was not my first dark night of the Soul, but it is the first time I knew I was heading into one. I had the intuitive nudge to get an astrology reading toward the end of 2023. I had this dread in my gut and I knew things were about to change big time in my life. Something in me knew that it would be hard but there was no way for me to fully grasp what was about to unfold for me. During the reading the astrologer took a deep breath and said to me..."I've never seen so much wounded healer show up in one chart, in one years time. This will be a year to walk into your deepest pain and it will not be easy, honey". She explained that this is the healers journey (She was unaware of my work). The more I heal myself, the more capable I am of severing others and living in my purpose. No biggie, right!?! That sounded familiar and I thought to myself... I have been doing healing work and walking into my pain forever...actually I'm kinda a pro at it. HA! The Universe had a deeper lesson for me and I am so very thankful for it.
Here are some of the surface level experiences of 2024
I initialed a long overdue divorce
My first love and lifelong friend died in a tragic accident one week after I had seen him in person for the first time in 12 years
I experienced massive abundance challenges with money and being able to keep my home and provide for my daughter (there are too many to list if that is at all possible😕)
I reunited with a friend that caused one of the deepest sister wounds I ever experienced.
People walked into my life and out in shocking ways
I experienced a Kundalini awaking
Here are some of the deeper invitations that the above stirred in my Soul
I examined the wounding in my relationships with men starting in my childhood
I sat with profound abandonment wounds
I was with the deep fears of being away from my daughter while she was with her father
I faced and felt the ways that I behaved in middle school and high school that truly hurt others
I took a deep dive into my long standing pattern of ignoring my needs and desires. This one was especially difficult as I thought I had done SO MUCH work here...but no...there was more to do.
I healed sister wounds and stepped into a level of receiving and giving to my female friends in a way previously unavailable to me.
I opened to a level of love for all in my life that was previously unavailable to me
Here are the tools that I used to move through 2024
I made space to feel whatever showed up without judgement
I tapped (EFT) to release deeper layers
I used ecstatic dance and somatic work to heal my body of the residual trauma regular energy healing sessions
I practiced allowing my friends to show up for me
I practiced gratitude for it all even in the middle of powerful pain and tears
I allowed the wisdom of my body to lead, rather than my mind
I chose to trust in the unfolding of my life as always for my greatest good
The results of this dark night Soul is a profound shift in how much I accept and love myself, advanced clairvoyance and channeling abilities, deeper inner peace and so much more. I am beyond grateful for this past year. I can't say I felt this gratitude every moment of every painful experience, because I certainly did not!! But I can say that I am a different, more evolved version of myself because of this pain and my willingness to meet myself in the darkness. And that I am forever grateful for!
I hope my share brings you peace, if you are in the midst of a dark night or even just experiencing minor bumps in the journey. You are never alone and there is always a greater purpose to any suffering you may be going through.